Questions I Got in an Email Today

Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. I've done my job and sent
this email to you , now it's up to you to send it on.

from a newsletter I get

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Quado Daily Portion

 

Turn the ordinary into a joyful experience

 

Today is a day of joy and connection.  Today is a day to step outside and take a deep breath and declare to all the world:  I am alive!  Today is a day to feel the energy coursing through your veins and allow that energy to flow freely, enlivening and empowering you.  Today is a day to embrace simply being alive, for no other reason than because you are.

 

Do not judge whether outer circumstances are good enough to allow you to enjoy yourself.  Do not set the day against a standard which must be met before you fill with joy.  Fill with joy just because you are you and the day is.

 

Life is.  It unfolds as it unfolds.  You are.  You stand within your life and blossom.  Let us see you blossom.

 

Take one moment in your life, something very ordinary that you do every day, and turn it into a spiritual and joyful experience.  For example, going out to get the mail or the newspaper.  Walking across a parking lot and passing under a tree.  Walking by a window that overlooks a garden.  Take some moment with a touch of beauty in it and fill that moment with joy.  Every time you walk down the driveway or parking lot or by that window, slow down, take a deep breath and pull in joy, letting it pour in with golden energy through the top of your head and fill your body completely, each breath pulling in more golden joy.

 

Do this every day.  And throughout the day, if you find yourself feeling sad or low, just picture that moment and breathe in the joy again.

 

Teach your mind and body this experience of joy and beauty.  You deserve to be full of love and joy every moment of every day.

 

www.Quado.com

Patience

Recently while exchanging emails with someone they mentioned maybe God was testing their patience.  This was my reply:

 

Gee, please don't tell me you have been praying for patience! Please!  I learned when I was a teenager (in youth group) that you don't pray for patience.  Why? Cause God doesn't just zap you with patience.  Nope, that is something you have to learn.  And if you pray for patience then you will start having all kinds of problems that will help you learn patience!

 

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21.. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouchespull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10 Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

quote by Kahlil Gibran

"...love knows not it's own depth
until the hour of separation."

quote from Daily Quado 11-13-06

Reach for the Joy

 

Today is a day to fill yourself with joy, joy unutterable, joy abounding, joy simply because you are alive. 

 

Today is a day to remember that you have this power, that you have the power to bring yourself into the full grace of being, to connect deeply within each moment as it passes, and to dip down deep into the well of joy that it contains.

 

Underneath your fears and worries, underneath the drama of your everyday concerns, underneath all of that, lying still within a great pool of peace is a little drop of pure joy.  This is a joy that knows nothing of circumstances which come and go.  This is a joy that is not concerned with anything at all, that exists just because it exists, that is because it is.

 

And it is yours.  Yes, this joy is yours.  You may access it by reaching up into the golden light.  You may access it by breathing down into the peaceful pool.  You may reach it however it is you reach peace and connection.  Just get to your peaceful place and then take one step more, step in just a bit deeper and reach for the joy.

 

It is there.

 

www.Quado.com

sharing what I "borrowed" from someone

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•
_____****__________**** ______
___***____***____***__ *** ____
__***________****_______***____
_***__________**_________***__
_***_____________________***_
_***________JUST_________***_
__***_____SHOWING______***___
___***______LOVE_______***____
____***_______________***_____
______***___________***_______
________***_______***_________
__________***___***___________
____________*****_____________
_____________***_____________
______________*_____________

Funny Friday -- back to our regular stuff next week

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma .."

And they say blondes are dumb...

--------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

--------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he  stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

--------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

--------------------------------------

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!

--------------------------------------

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

--------------------------------------

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

--------------------------------------

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

--------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

--------------------------------------

 

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Got in an Email -- What 4 - 8 yr olds think love it

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." 
Jessica - age 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elde rly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

  

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

21 Things to Remember

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it

cheerfully.

 

 

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get

older, their conversational skills will be as

important as any other.

 

 

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have

or sleep all you want.

 

 

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

 

 

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in

the eye.

 

 

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get

married.

 

 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

 

 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't

have dreams don't have much.

 

 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt

but it's the only way to live life completely.

 

 

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

 

 

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

 

 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

 

 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't

want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to

know?"

 

 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great

achievements involve great risk..

 

 

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

 

 

 

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

 

 

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self;

Respect for others; and responsibility for all your

actions.

 

 

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great

friendship.

 

 

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take

immediate steps to correct it.

 

 

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller

will hear it in your voice.

 

 

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

The Bible in 50 Words

The Bible In 50 Words God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Jacob fooled, Joseph ruled, Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, People walked, Sea divided, Tablets guided, Promises landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, Prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, Love talked, Anger crucified, Hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained. Amen.  Author Unknown

Believe by Ralph Marston

          Believe it

You will accomplish whatever you sincerely believe you will accomplish. And you can believe whatever you choose to believe.

When you truly believe you can, then you can. For your actions in each moment are vigorously guided by the things you believe about yourself.

Your beliefs influence you even when you're not thinking about them. That gives them a constant and enormous power to affect your reality.

The things that you believe to be out of your reach will indeed be out of your reach as long as your beliefs stay the same. You can, however, change your beliefs to include whatever possibilities you dare to imagine.

Visualize yourself reaching the goal, and your belief begins to grow. Take solid and consistent steps in the direction of that goal, and your belief becomes more firmly entrenched with each action.

Allow yourself, with everything you are, to fully believe in whatever you seek to do. And it will surely be.

-- Ralph Marston

Feel good Sunday

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

      -Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

       -Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

       -Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
face.

       -Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

     -Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

      -Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.

       -M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.

       - Sigmund Freud

 I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird
religious cult.

       -Rita Rudner


A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

       -Robert Benchley


Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

       -Franklin P. Jones


If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I
have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

       -James Thurber

If  your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

        -unkown


My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.

       -Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth.

       -Anne Tyler


Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

       -Robert A. Heinlein



If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

       -Mark Twain


You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
look that says, "wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"

       - Dave Barry


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

       -Roger Caras


If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in
your pocket and then give him only two of them.

       -Phil Pastoret


My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

from the 10-29-06 edition of Discovery Newsletter

Random Acts of Kindness...... do you consciously practice each day, watching for opportunities to be kind to others ?  As you move through your days, look for times when you can bring a smile to someone else.  YOU will feel much better.   Look for times when you can give something to help someone else.  For each of us it takes so little to bring that inner smile of being cared about, and it is so life sustaining.  Go the extra little bit to do something nice for someone .  Maybe it is just helping them put their groceries into their car for them.  Could be just sending a warm email to someone.  Always give more then you are expected to, in every situation.  Your life will change.

Want to share Discovery with a friend ?

PLS Send Discovery Newsletter

quote -- author unknown

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind... let it be something good.

 

 

quote by Henry Drummond

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."